Sunday, April 22, 2007

A Robert-Frost-ish point of view, but you'll agree with me if you think about it

Today, I had a discussion with my parents about my career options. Its left me a little confused and annoyed. Life in the real world sounds so bloody tough...so excrutiatingly bitter and viciated. The worst thing about it is...that its a like a ball and chain holding you back-there are certain things you've GOT to do, which might not necessarily go against your ideals, but your wishes. Isn't life all about living it the way you want to? About fulfilling YOUR desires so that when its time for you to leave, there's no regret?? Ironically, it seems that to fulfill those very desires, you first need to accomplish certain goals, the process of which makes you feel worn out; and ends up making what you initally wanted, repellent. Say a person is passionate about music, reading, good food, movies, travelling... as sensitive and classy as his tastes may be, he needs to be rich to able to put them into practice.

Yes I know, my disgust at all this is partially becuase I'm essentially a lazy, luxury-loving person. I want to eat the cake and have it too. But its not the hard work I detest as much as what that hard work makes you lose out on. I hate the cut-throat environment, and the instability of the future. I hate having to stretch myself to the extreme and have no breathing space left for myself.

I want to be with my family and enjoy the security and unconditional love which I derive from their company.
I like having a social life.
I like curling up in bed with my blanket, book and my cats on a cold winter night, enjoying the warmth and the hum of contentment.
I love sitting under a tree in my school garden at lunch and having unfathomable, idiotic and thoroughly enjoyable conversations with my friends.
There are days when the sky is overcast with clouds, there's that cool breeze blowing, the world seems to consist of soft, shadowy silhouettes and I feel how happy a person could be been just sitting there and looking at it for hours.

Its not just that which I love. I LOVE the thrill of excitement and adventure, the rush of adrenalin. I thrive on competition and drama-be it in an examination, acting in a school play, standing for Club President or on the basketball courts. Which is why, the prospects of being an acheiver in life is awfully enticing.

But I would like to do WHAT and WHEN I want. I don't want to get caught up in a never-ending rat-race. I have a questioning tendency and I tend to rely on logic a little more over intuition. So religion isn't exactly my thing. But at heart, I am a believer in emotion, in luck, and in a greater force which binds us all. At times like these, when my principles have gone for a toss, I appeal to that force. I pray so that the positive elements come together and make it happen for me-I don't have any pre-conceived notion of success-I just want to be happy and I hope I deserve to be.