Friday, February 29, 2008

Prayer for the restoration of my individuality

I cannot wait for my brother’s voice to break. No, I have no particular inclination towards seeing boys in their pubescent glory. Why I want my brother’s voice to break as soon as possible, is so that I can finally answer the phone in peace.

Here are a few examples to prove my point.

My Grandfather calls

*tring tring*

Me: Hello

Dada: Who is it, Piku?

Me: Oof…no…MISHTU.

Dada (injured tone): Don’t fool around like this. As it is, I’m hard of hearing, it’s really confusing for me.

Me (trying hard to remind myself that I'm talking to a helpless old person who has the right to make the same mistake a bazillion times): It’s pretty obvious you’re hard of hearing, since you can’t recognize your own grand-daughter’s voice.

Dada: Oh Mishtu… so it’s really you… you see, your brother often pretends to be you, and your voices ARE rather similar you know.

My maid uses the intercom

*tring tring*

Me: Hello

Kanchan Mashi: Piku, ask your sister whether she wants jam or cheese on her toast.

Me(frosty tone):I don’t know where she is and I’m busy, you come upstairs and ask her yourself.

Kanchan Mashi: Shona Baba, please do this for me, you can’t expect me to run up and down the stairs so often.

Me:Ok, she’s here, talk to her. (icicles have probably formed on the phone by now)

(I hand over the phone to my brother)

Piku: Kanchan Mashi, THIS IS PIKU, THAT WAS DIDI!!

Kanchan Mashi: Ohhhhh *giggles. Giggles for WAY too long.*

My OWN MOTHER calls

*tring tring*

Me: Hello

Ma: Is this Piku or Mishtu?

Me(fatigued):
You know, Ma, it’s a shame that you need to ask.

Ma: Well, it’s your fault, you never call me when I’m away, you’re always at the computer or talking to your friends.

Me: Excuses, excuses.

Ma: Anyway, have you taken your medicine?

Me(faint revival of sarcasm): I’ll ask my brother, since HE’S the one with the cold, not me.

Ma: *laughs sheepishly* I’m SO SORRY baby! Your voices are UNCANNILY similar, EVERYONE says so.

Me: YOU’RE NOT EVERYONE GODDAMIT!!

Ma: Okay okay, it won’t happen again.

I call a friend

Friend: Hello

Me: You called earlier?

Friend: Yeah, you know what happened? Your brother answered my call, and I thought it was you, in fact I was a little disturbed because his voice is more seductive then yours.

Me: o.O

As you might have guessed, the incidents are exaggerated for effect, but by a frighteningly tiny amount.
I am fully aware of the unpleasant nature of a single voice assuming multiple frequencies and wave forms at the same time. However, it will be a welcome relief.

6 beep/s:

adt said...

do not recycle posts, anushka sen :P

Doubletake, Doublethink. said...

hahaha, makes me wish i had a sibling now =(

Death On Two Legs said...

Aditi, you meanie.

adt said...

no no i'm serious

Maximum Boy said...

i have a pretty good idea who that friend of yours is.

Death On Two Legs said...

Hmm...me thinks you do, too