Friday, July 25, 2008

All In a Day's Work

Sreeja (eating maggi): This stuff tastes like my dentist.

Aditi: Ok… so you know what your dentist tastes like. Interesting.

Sreeja: NO… I mean, it tastes like the stuff he puts in my mouth.

Rest of us: *snickers*

Sreeja: Oof…you know… antisceptic.

Me: So he takes precautions! Good for him.

Sreeja: And metal wires and plates.

Sahana: Ooh…kinky!

Sreeja: Actually, I’ve spent a lot of time with my dentist since class..er…8.

Me: Wow Sreeja, you sure started early.

Sreeja (casts scandalized look at Aditi): You heard that?

Aditi: I agree with Anushka.

Me: ‘Course you would. And you know what else? Sreeja wants to open a bakery, right?

Aditi: Yeahh….it’s so that she gets more cavities and has to visit her DENTIST more often :D

Me: YES.

Everybody else (chorus): YES.

Sreeja (by now has decided to play along): You know what my dentist says to me when I’m in his office? ‘Open, bite. Open, bite.’

Rest of us: *laughs violently*

Aditi: *Looks smug and satisfied.*

You know what? The world is innately evil. HONEST. What other explanation is there for nursery rhymes of the following kind-

1.Rock-a-bye, baby
In the treetop
When the wind blows
The cradle will rock
When the bough breaks
The cradle will fall
And down will come baby
Cradle and all

And I suppose baby gives a gurgle of delight and settles back comfortably into his soft, polka-dotted blankies. Awww.

2.Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
All the King's horses
And all the king's men.
Cannot put Humpty Dumpty
Together again.

You know why, Humpty? Because the when the king's men were little, they learnt up pointless, morbid nursery rhymes instead of playing with building blocks or mechano sets.

3. Ten Little Indians going out to dine;
One went and choked his little self and then there were nine.
Nine Little Indian Boys sat up very late;
One overslept himself and then there were eight.
Eight Little Indian Boys traveling to Devon;
One got left behind and then there were seven.
Seven Little Indian boys playing with a hive;
A bumblebee stung one and then there were five.
Five Little Indian boys going in for law;
One got in chancery and then there were four.
Four Little Indian boys going out to sea;
A red herring swallowed one and then there were three.
Three Little Indian boys walking to the zoo;
A big bear hugged one and then there were two.
Two Little Indian boys playing with a gun;
One shot the other and then there was one.
One little Indian boy left all alone;
He went and hanged himself
…and then there were none.

Need I say more?


Aaaand....

as for our nostalgia-inducing ring-a-ring of rosies, it's about the Black Death. Also known as the Great Plague.

Ring a ring o' rosies
(The symptoms of the plague included a raised red rash on the skin.)
A pocketful of posies
(A pouch of sweet smelling herbs or posies were carried due to the belief that the disease was transmitted by bad smells.)
"Atishoo, Atishoo"
(violent sneezing was another effect of the plague.)
We all fall down!
(we die.)

To whoever composed these little bundles of joy and attempted to sabotage our childhood with them-
ARE YOU EMO????????

Saturday, July 19, 2008

I looked around me, and I saw mud.
And there were people caught in it-
They thrashed about wildly,
But kept slipping, falling, choking,
All the while crying helpless tears
Into the squelchy brown.
And there were children playing with it,
They eyes pinpricks of hate,
Their smiles, evil and twisted.
They played with such bestiality
That I was revolted, and I wanted to run.

Till you picked up some of the mud,
And smeared it over my arm,
And I realised how refreshingly cool
It felt against my skin.

I looked around me again,
And it was dark.
But the darkness seemed to be made up
Of a hundred dark creatures-
Shifty, formless, they moved around me,
Dancing a strange devil's dance.
They were whispering all at once,
And my ears were buzzing painfully.
They closed in on me, I couldn't breathe.
My head spun round and round.

Then I felt you hold my hand.
And the dancers formed a cradle,
Velvety smooth, like the night sky.
Gently, it rocked me to sleep,
The whispers became a soft lullaby.

I looked around me once more,
And the earth was slipping away beneath my feet!
A mad, molten mouth was opening up,
It was red and it was hungry.
I knew it would not stop
Till it had swallowed me up,
And its churning walls
Had scalded me to death.

And this time, nothing you said
Or did comforted me,
For the earth did not listen to you.
And you were scared too.
But suddenly you caught me in your arms,
And threw me up, with reckless abandon.
And I soared up higher and higher,
Till the earth was just a little speck,
The mouth, no more visible.
The wind whipped my hair across my face
In a frenzied tangle,
The clouds whirled and spun,
The dust danced about and glittered
Against a flood of sunlight.
And when I laughed, they laughed with me,
The wind, the clouds, the dust, the sunbeams,
And echoing faintly in the distance,
I heard your asnwering laughter.

SO THERE.

I will NOT take down your notes.
You may throw me out of class,
You may give me numerous reasons
As to why I will not pass.
You may call me yet another
Girl who in her crucial years
Has allowed herself to be swayed
By the follies of her peers.
But you won’t scare me enough,
In fact you won’t scare me at all.
Your threats are going to bounce off me
Like a squash ball off a wall.

You think you can entice me
With your torturous pronunciation?
Your lack of vocal clarity,
Your oblivion to punctuation?
Your maddeningly sing-song tone,
Your ponderous text-book-quotes?
You think my academic life
Depends upon YOUR NOTES?

I will sit at the back and read a book,
As for talking, I’ll definitely try.
I’ll draw cartoons suitably shocking
To those with the audacity to pry .
I will openly defy you,
I see no need for pretence.
You may thank me for my honesty.
You can’t have taken offence?

Saturday, July 12, 2008

I am generally believed to be one of those tranquil, sunshiny people who look upon the world with a rather benevolent attitude. And today, I actually feel like one. Yes, I feel good about myself and all around me. Hence, my first pointless blogpost in prose.

I think a test is almost always postponed when I need it to be.

For a change, my cats' behaviour towards each other is devoid of incestuous or murderous instincts.

I have realised that a random assortment of bytes has no right to judge my attributes or allow me to compare my friends. Therefore I have deleted the Compare People application. And no it is NOT a case of sour grapes as my rankings were quite satisfactory.

I am currently not in love with anyone. Not even a celebrity. Pure lust, sisterly affection or a healthy admiration is all I can feel for men at the moment and I am very happy to let it be that way.

I have also discovered that I am truly open-minded. D.H. Lawrence, Maugham, Oscar Wilde, I can now look you in the eye. For none of us is repulsed by the bizarre ways of good people.

This post positively reeks of smugness. And will even be deleted in due course of time. But what to do? I had to break the flow of my previous blogposts. They were too much like the morbid reflections of what I call a T3- Typical Traumatised Teenager.

Yo Alliteration, for making anything sound cool.
Yo Bloggers, for allowing me to be an obnoxiously happy little person without interference.
Yo You, for reading through this.

* makes appropriate glamorous exit while singing 'aha KIII anondo akashe batashe' *

To My books and my Ipod

When nobody says anything new,
And even randomness requires planning,
When a surprise is a vindictive pinch ,
And hard-learnt caution stifles the scream,
Your familiarity gives me security, not boredom.
Unravelling your layers is exciting, and not frightening.

Are you inanimate? That's what they say.
But to me, nothing else could be more alive.