Thursday, September 11, 2008

A little bit of plagiarism, a little bit of pakami

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself."


So said Larkin. And sometimes, just sometimes, I find myself agreeing with him.
Of course, I don't for a second regret the fact that my parents had me. I love myself way too much for that. And I love my parents too. I miss my daily adda with them when my schedule doesn't permit it. I enjoy the fact that when one of us in the house play music, the rest congregate in the room to listen to it. Even today, I go for more movies with my parents than with my friends.
So yeah, it is quite wonderful to belong to a family. But MAN, the flipside!

When we're bound to someone by blood, we think we have a claim on them. And then we start expecting things out of them. If they fail to live up to our expectations, there's a lot of heartburn on either side.
Let's consider myself. I thrive on poetry. I can read and re-read a poem continuously, just to admire the craftsmanship- the way I could gaze for hours on end at a lion sunning itself. I can feel the poem in my blood, the way the child in me can feel the joy in a little girl's laughter. And I want my children to feel the same. If they don't, is it fair that I should be disappointed in them? Why should they feel even the slightest pangs of inadequacy for just being different?

Also, there are things our parents do which make our nerves curl up and sizzle. But we'll probably find ourselves doing those same things once that mini version of us comes along.
I think plans are evil. I don't look at my watch unless to check if it's time to eat. I find it fun to rush downstairs just in time to stop my carpool from swooshing past my house. And I DETEST it when my freedom is curbed in the name of discipline. But it would be MADDENING to have to face this attitude in my children.

And what about our wish to shield the people who mean a lot to us? It can lead to so much hypocrisy.
Say I don't give a shit as to what people are saying behind my back. If I believe in myself, I go ahead my do it. But what when my poor, sweet, innocent baby has to face the vicious fangs of the world? Would I let it go ahead and get bitten? I would definitely like to, but I wonder if I have the guts for that.
"Mommas gonna make all of your nightmares come true.
Mommas gonna put all of her fears into you.
Mommas gonna keep you right here under her wing.
She wont let you fly, but she might let you sing."

I never listen to this song at night, it gives me the creeps. Maybe because it's closer to reality than I admit it to be. I’d like to say that Larkin and Roger Waters were just two morbid old men with too much time on their hands. But I can’t.

I’m starting to think I’m one morbid teenager with too much time on MY hands. I just wrote an entire blogpost on why I shouldn’t have kids. And I don’t even have home science.

9 beep/s:

cry freedom said...

i have a LOT of things to say.

1) ur writing this on the night before B.St. god save u.

2) about blood relations, i think they're most contradictory. we take them for granted, don't think they're valuable, and don't know that we depend on them most.

3) our children's attitude..? my mother's favourite dialogue to me is: "i'll talk to u when u have ur kids."

4) i had some fun imagining the expression on your face. a cross between.. too many things! :D

cry freedom said...

shoot. not the night before b.st. damn ur time stamp!

Prince of Mirkwood said...

no comment....well maybe just the 1!:D

Clezevra said...

I agree. That iso totally sums up ehy I don't want to have kids.
Not completeletely, no, but yeah,a major factor.

Death On Two Legs said...

other factors including changing diapers? :p

Doubletake, Doublethink. said...

philip larkin be da man.

Death On Two Legs said...

he is too coolz.
wild oats and poetry of departures are brilliant :D

Yamini said...

u dnt hav home science, anushka, but u do have EVE... u cud help control population by not producing mini-versions of u..

on second thoughts, they'd be too cute to not be here.. have kids. :)

Death On Two Legs said...

lol...
thanks.
and ahh, eve. best not to comment on it.