Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Reminiscent Post

Being in class 12 does make you think about having to leave school. And what strikes me first about my school life is not how ad-jingle-happy it was, or how intense, or how much it's taught me. I just think... SO much has happened. SO BLOODY much. For once, the sheer quantity of it overwhelms me more than the quality. Because FOURTEEN years with Modern High has made us both one and the same. Even if school hadn't been such a party, leaving it behind would mean a small little corner of my heart shrivelling up forever.

And then... the images come rushing into my head. Disconnected, with no sense of chronology. I'm left gasping for breath, riding on the wave of one emotion and crashing upon the shores of another. And it's exhilarating.

Class 9. Our Bio teacher suddenly spots Shrishti smirking and takes away her diary. Looks at it. Then says- "Girls... she has used a very bad 4-letter word." A ripple of gasps runs through the classroom. But Bhattu adds with a pointed look- "It begins with a 'B'." Our astonishment instantly transforms into curiosity. 4-letter swearword with a B?
'Unless she thinks bore is a swear-word, I don't know what it can be" Aditi whispers.
Later we discovered that it was 'Bitch.' It reassured me somewhat. I may have never completed a math paper for 5 years running, but at least I can count.

Class 5, causing a flutter by kissing a Daniel Radcliffe sharpener.

Cass 2, marching smartly without permission into the staffroom.

Sharing tiffin under the Debdaru trees.
Having a huge fight with a friend because she said I was more fond of Shania Twain than I was of her.
Training juniors to sing for Teachers' Day, and feeling that surge of pride when I saw them on stage.
Interpreting Sahana's dreams.
Defending Humanities.

Funnily, of late, I haven't been thinking about what's happened IN school so much as the things I used to do when I was a kid, and which I've suddenly stopped doing. Like blowing toothpaste bubbles. Or detecting resemblances between dinosaurs and clouds. Or playing cricket with the para boys to the best of my feeble capacity.
A few days back, I slid down the bannisters after YEARS. Of course, I realised why I had to stop doing THAT. Earlier it was only my own safety I had to worry about. Now, it's the foundation of the house that's in jeopardy.

Yes, childhood days were good days. And childhood memories for me, have a strange dream like quality to them- like that of a hot, drowsy, afternoon washed by a golden glow.

But even so, I wouldn't go back for anything. Over the years I've found a certain strength which I lacked when I was a child. The strength to be myself, and not worry too much about the world. I've gained the maturity to realise how sham and hollow some rules are. And how abiding by them does NOTHING to make you a better person, only a resentful one. I've stopped trying to delude myself when I'm scared about reality. And I'm not ashamed of things- like the fact that I cried when Godzilla died, or that I like my pink phone. No matter what the world does to me, I never want to grow so blunt, that I stop crying. Or so old, that the colour of candy doesn't make me smile.

11 beep/s:

cry freedom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
radhika said...

well for one im releaved im ot the only one who walked into the staff room!
blowing toothpaste bubble?!
do u remember what shubha wrote in tthe bio test in class 10..though i wasnt in the same section?!
i love the post *hug*
nd yah this is truly an awwww'able post

Death On Two Legs said...

oh yes.
subha rocks.

As for the staffroom thingy... the teachers stared at me like was the much-dreaded student spirit who drifts through the school, seeking revenge for the early death education has wreaked on her.

VelocityGirl (tm) said...

Interpreting my dreams.
My GOD, we haven't done that in a while, now...
*looks shifty and skulks away*

Death On Two Legs said...

@sahana-*evil smile*

Yamini said...

*nods her head in agreement fervently at every single sentence. no. phrase. every single phrase. word. letter. space. whatever. all of it.*

Annesha said...

Maybe in a galaxy far far away bitch is a four-letter word.

I mish Shcool. :(

kd said...

you have a pink phone?

Death On Two Legs said...

Take the number from Shabba. I've been meaning to give it to you.

kd said...

that phone i called on was pink?
piku has to pick up a pink phone?

Death On Two Legs said...

haha yeah! he doesn't like it :D