Monday, February 2, 2009

Family Time o.0

I don't know what kind of post-dinner conversation is considered normal, but I wonder if this is:

Me: There's a joke which goes like- 
Epitaph on a dentist- 'Stranger tread this spot with gravity/ Dentist Brown is filling his last cavity.'

Ma: *chuckles*

Me: You know what? If I end up getting buried, I want my tombstone to say something as cool as that.

Ma: Stop talking such bullshit.

Me: What's your problem? Is it talk of death that upsets you, or have I offended your Religious Sentiments?

Ma: Do you know that Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead...

Me: ...Wanted to get burnt, yes. Big deal.


Me: Yeah yeah, cremated. Same difference. Oh but then people are incinerated now, aren't they? I don't like that. There's something grand about flames. Not about electric, a sizzle, and some ashes.

Ma: But it's much better for the environment.

Me: That's a different issue. Besides, I like the concept of returning to the earth.

Ma: Our body is supposed to be composed of 5 elements. Earth is just ONE of them. Why should it be given preference?

Me: Well, there's air and water trapped in the soil. 

Ma: And SKY? Haha, gotcha!

Me: Once my body gets decomposed, carbon and stuff will be released into the SKY. There, so that's that.

Ma: Okay, I've had enough of this.

Me: You don't need to worry, I'm not picky about these things. If you want me to be cremated,  that's fine by me.

Ma: WANT you to be cremated??? I don't know what gets into you sometimes!!!

Me: Grrr, this is just a hypothetical situation. What I'm saying is, IF I had a tombstone- IF and ONLY IF- I would like it to say something funky. I'd like to go down in a glamorous way.

Ma: Why 'go down', what's so glamorous down there?

Me: MA. I cannot BELIEVE you said that. By going DOWN, I meant going down in people's MEMORIES, not DOWN INTO THE EARTH!!!!

Ma: Well I never know when you're being literal and when you're being figurative. Either way, you're just trying to make a statement.

Me: And YOU, are a pseudophobe. Anything off the beaten track, and you shrink from it, going- 'Oh my god. How sham, how hollow. How thankful I am that my spirit is not tainted by such superficiality. *rolls eyes*

Ma: Alright, alright. Maybe you have a point there. Now go take your medicine, it's time.

Me: I don't give a damn. Pseudophobe, pseudophobe, PSEUDOPHOBE. 

*I stomp off*

10 beep/s:

spriblah said...

Whatever medicine this is, u really need to take it and considering this is how your dinnertime conversations are, I really wonder what you have for dinner.

Doubletake, Doublethink. said...

i didn't know a word called pseudophobe even existed ;)

see, i'm getting a squiggly red line under it. firefox is like MS Word sometimes. grr.

Vile and Vicious said...

John Dryden came up with a brilliant epitaph called "Epitaph on his Wife" which goes

"Here lies my wife: here let her lie.
Now she's at rest. And am I."

Death On Two Legs said...

@Spriha- Medicine, dinner all very normal. If they weren't, I'd have included them in the post.

@Priyanka- I stole the word off Vikrant's blog :P It SHOULD be a word, shouldn't it? Google it though, the results are funny.

@Vile and Vicious- Ha! You know what Churchill's was?
'I am ready to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.'

D'Evil Sam said...

I really want myself to be put six feet down under.
The Epitaph should say something like:
"Never born, Never died
Visited the planet Earth between June 19, 1987 and February 29, 2033."

Vikrant said...

:) :)

Death On Two Legs said...

@Sam- I like that =]

kd said...

Maybe you should change your medicine.

Sahana said...

All me and my mum argue about is whether a certain character in the movie we're watching is gay or not.

And I waste my time correcting her grammar. Basically that.
Or I draw stuff on her arms.
I do take a little too much advantage of her. :P

Death On Two Legs said...

I do those 3 too!