Monday, February 9, 2009

Helium Overdose

I had a conversation with someone recently, which reminded me of this HILARIOUS thing. When I was in class 8, seven of us wanted to form a band. It really didn't matter if we could sing. Well, most of us could. What I mean is, it really didn't matter if I could sing. And as for instruments, why did good vocalists NEED all that kind of fancy back-up? Look at Enrique. Look at the Backstreet Boys. Look at Blue. Who noticed the instrumentals in THEIR songs?


If you don't hate us already, then prepare for worse. We had to find ourselves a name. The suggestions themselves were highly suggestive.

Bluebell.

Glitz.

Untitled: We thought this was really cool. We imagined confusing the audience about whether we were NAMED untitled, or were just plain untitled.

The age old concept of initials. In this case, the only feasible combination available was BAASSSP. Yeah, we rejected it. But that doesn't really redeem us.

We finally decided upon........
*drumroll, flourish and every conceivable dramatic device for presenting entrances*
.....THE SHADOWCATS.

And no, we weren't going to be any old cover band. We were going to be a hundred percent original. This is the song we came up with-

'In the shadows of the night,
When you can't see far...
Out there, there's a light-
And it's upto you to find it.'

Now here, I wanted to introduce 'In the shadows of the night' as a mysterious, haunting refrain. But I was overruled. They thought I was taking the title too seriously. Hmphh. I still maintain that it wasn't a bad idea, WITHIN the parameters of our deadly agenda.

At this point, my friends started a new stanza. 
'Let the thought of your love
Make you strong.'
I am glad to say that I fought like an angry cat against this. Despite being a self-conscious, retarded adolescent, I had some sense in me. And I am also glad to say that I have moved on since then.

But you know, some things in people never change. I have always been rather unlucky regarding the people I like. They are usually above 40, or dead, or chauvinistic pricks. And yes, a lot of them indulge in serious substance abuse.
A few days back, I was watching American Idol, and I was struck by a certain 26-yr old. He is moderately cute, but REALLY charming, and it was mainly his voice, that planted the seeds of a mini-crush in me. 
Guess what? He's gay. Apparently. Knowing my luck, it's a certainty. I think this foreshadows what my Valentine's Day is going to be like.  Would you believe that I have NEVER had an interesting Valentine's Day? Now that I've developed into a most dreadful snob, it doesn't matter. I can discard the whole business as commercial and pretentious. But what I wouldn't mind, is a greeting from a man who

a)looks like Farhan Akhtar

b)IS like Obama

c)writes like Ted Hughes/Roald Dahl/O.Henry/Maugham/Ogden Nash/Oscar Wilde 

d)speaks like Jim Morrison/Russell Crowe/Simon Cowell

(I DO leave a lot of options open. This proves it.)

20 beep/s:

blinknmiss said...

*sympathetic pat* regarding the band, not the lack of heavenly men. don't worry, we all did such things... only some people (ok, most) get selective amnesia whenever anybody brings it up.

about the gay thing- all the men i've ever loved have been gay. freddie mercury, oscar wilde, rufus wainwright... the list goes on. recently someone told me asterix was gay... but i digress. the point is: men really do have all the options, and consequentially all the luck.

Prince of Mirkwood said...

Rufus Wainwright is gay?? *jumps for joy*
*slumps* I'm not.

blinknmiss said...

you've heard of rufus wainwright?? *stares in surprise*

Death On Two Legs said...

The name sounded so familiar. I Googled, and I realised that he sang the version of Hallelujah that was used in Shrek. The song's originally by Leonard Cohen, I didn't know that either!

AND FREDDIE MERCURY :(
I will love him till the day I die.

D'Evil Sam said...

Assassinating principals and forming pop bands....come to think of it,school was fun. :)
Pick one. Gay, Substance abuser, Kid. There is nothing realistic left other than that.

wonderwall said...

I will stop reading your comments page if you break my heart and destroy my nicely self-delusioned world where Oscar Wilde and Freddie Mercury(y, god, y) are not gay.Nahiiii.....ye sunhe se pehle main mar kyun nahi gayi.
Oh and the best, best name for a band that I've ever heard is F.T.N-Fuck the Name.
P.S.-Referring to the comments on your last post, you are random, your grasp on language is good, huh?

SPIRITed! said...

James Dean was bisexual. Neil Patrick Harris is gay. So is Cliff Richard. Maugham was also gay.

Guess what?
I still love them all to death.

SPIRITed! said...

Hold on one minute.
Wasn't Rufus the guy who had a cameo in the movie Leonard Cohen : I'm Your Man? That movie is toogood, jaast toogood.

Sahana said...

RUFUS WAINWRIGHT. He was molested at 13 (gayly) and then went on abstinence for a long while. He's currently writing an opera.
FREDDIE MERCURY. I would give my right arm for him to be my Valentine.

I heart the gay men. If I can't do them, they can pick out my clothes for me. Almost the same thing, na?

Death On Two Legs said...

I have this theory that people who are very sensitive to any kind of beauty have bi-curious tendencies, because they're intensely affected by beauty in men AND women.

blinknmiss said...

@ shreya: ok, i'll stop building and then dashing your hopes by posting conversational comments on your blog. yes, rufus was on i'm your man (he does the best version of cohen songs that i've heard yet). yes, he was raped at 13, and he writes+sings pop-rock with baroque and opera influence. also, he presently has a german boyfriend. yeah, it was too good to be true.

@ anushka: now that is an interesting theory. and it certainly explains a lot.

Death On Two Legs said...

It's a strange, but comforting theory.

You know, the one guy you'd expect to bolster my theory, is Keats. Beauty-obsessed, curly-haired, lily-like young Romantic. But no, he never saw beyond Fanny Brawne! I wonder how she looked.

Vikrant said...

Snob is right.

Vikrant said...

:D

Death On Two Legs said...

The problem with being able to laugh at yourself, is that you invite other people to laugh at you.

*sigh*

Were you afraid you'd sound rude if you didn't add that smiley?

Vikrant said...

Are you trying to say I didn't sounding rude this way?
Damn.

Death On Two Legs said...

You wouldn't have sounded rude WITHOUT the smiley.

Do not forget my psychic radar, I know exactly what each of your blogger activities signify.

And I mean, E.A.C.H.

Vikrant said...

hahaha.
I think I know what you're talking about :(
But you're wrong goddamnit

The Wize Witch said...

Shadowcats!! :-O
I remember I went through a 'band' phase exactly like the one you described and Shadowcats was one of the names we thought of! I forgot what we decided on finally(I guess there was no 'finally' of course :P). As for the songs we wrote(and composed!), they make me cringe now. :-|

Death On Two Legs said...

Oh wow, what a coincidence!