She used to draw all the time, and her subjects were always the same. Girls- tall, long-haired girls with frosty eyes and vapid smiles. She made them skinny, not because she found it attractive, but because she was embarrassed about drawing well-rounded figures. And she hated herself for being a prude. She hated herself for drawing things that were cheap, and flashy. And most of all, she hated herself for drawing things, that had NOTHING do with who she was.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Occasionally, she would draw monsters. They weren't particularly original, but she liked them a lot better. They looked happy to be monsters, as though they would stretch out their scaly limbs, flex their clawed fingers and fall asleep on the paper, dreaming of monster heaven.
One day, while walking through her house, she heard derisive chuckles coming from her room. Her brother was sitting on her bed, and flipping through the pages of her drawing book. His mouth was twisted in a condescending smile, which he didn't even bother to wipe off before lifting his head to look at her.
She turned a furious shade of scarlet.
'Give that back.'
'Take it. What makes you think I want it?'
'You shouldn't have opened it, you jerk.'
'It doesn't say 'Private.' It doesn't even say your goddamn name.'
She didn't say anything.
'So... why don't you draw anything else?' he asked. 'Is it a girl thing? I thought even girls needed some variety.'
'Yes. We draw. And we watch TV. And we read. Our lives don't centre around being a pompous ass all day long.'
'Nice try. But you can't really draw anything else, can you? And you wouldn't have been able to draw these either, if you hadn't slept for 7 years with Barbie Dolls by your head .' He laughed for a few seconds at his own joke.
'I CAN. I can SHOW you. Tell me what you want me to draw for you, I'll draw it.'
'I'm not sure if I care enough. I'll take your word for it.'
Dragging himself lazily off the bed, he was about to walk off, when she grabbed his arm. She was quivering with suppressed anger and hurt pride. 'No, I WANT to prove it to you. Tell me what you want me to draw. I'll draw it.' He rolled his eyes. 'I'm serious', she said. 'If you care enough to be mean, you can care enough for this.'
'Ok. Draw the sky, the way it is right now.'
She snorted. 'Aren't you letting me off easy? Have you gone soft?'
'Just draw it.' And he left the room.
The sky. At about 12 noon. How bad can that be? Blue... with a few wisps of white. Hopefully, there'll be a few clouds with interesting shapes.
Looking out of the window, her face fell. The sky was of that peculiar colour, which is no colour at all. Just a glaring light haze, that hurt her eyes no matter where she looked. She couldn't quite tell where the sun was. And she wasn't sure whether the sky was covered with clouds, or whether there were any clouds at all.
The sky depressed her, whenever it was like this. There was something petty about it, and harsh at the same time, like a tiny mosquito that could drain all your blood away.
But she set to work. And somehow, her fingers seemed to have a mind of their own. She drew faint swirls and mists, to recreate the apparent softness of the haze. But stabbing the haze were sharp, jagged edges, like icicles. Somewhere, just faintly discernible was the outline of a sun. And sitting on that sun was a twisted little man. It had no mouth, in fact, its face was blurred, but one could make out the pin-pricks of two eyes, that glittered with dirty hatred.
The shades used were mainly grey, but the grey of steel, not of mysteries. And the little amount of yellow that tinged the grey, was more like a disease creeping through the air.
Her brother walked in just when she was done, and without a word, she handed it to him.
She saw his eyes widen in amazement, and then like a fleeting spasm, a look passed through them, which could only be described as fear. When he looked at her face, his eyes had regained their usual wicked glint. He smiled, however. 'It's.. it's.. really good. That's all I can say.'
But it was still the fear, that flattered her most.
Posted by Anushka at 9:18 PM