Wednesday, June 17, 2009

To the Censor Board, with NO love

I was watching Colours, a movie which has Robert Duvall and Sean Penn. Not intensely gripping, but it seemed competently made and I was willing to sit through the entire movie before passing any judgements. After a while though, I just couldn't take anymore. No, not the bad acting because there wasn't any. Not the cheesy script because the script wasn't cheesy. In fact, after the censor board had done its snipping and ripping, there was hardly a script left.

A movie dealing with Blacks, gangs and cops. What do you expect it to contain, ballads and sermons? And in case the Moral Compass of Movies isn't aware of this, WE CAN LIP-READ. We can goddamn lip-read, so we don't need every alternate sentence to be punctured with a second's silence.

Apparently, fuck is wrong but sonnafabitch is not. Apparently, fuck is wrong but asshole is not. Apparently, fuck is wrong but innuendos about getting laid are alright because they don't directly involve swearwords.

I tried to stick with the movie for Sean Penn. And he did what he had to, oh yes. But then the flurry of one-second-silences got too much for me.

To fill up the gaps, let me pose a few questions to our entertainment industry- if you care SO FREAKING MUCH about preserving our innocence, WHY DO YOU AIR SUCH MOVIES?
And on the other hand, why are little children singing Beedi, swathed in fishnet and satin, ANY bit more palatable than 'fuck'? Why are are a bunch of fame-famished girls bitching their souls out over some guy, representative of the youth of India?
Our Reality T.V. can get as warped as it wants to, but Hollywood has to toe the line. Wow. That makes a hell lot of sense.

The kind of censoring that takes place in the case of subtitles is pretty outrageous too. Apparently 'crap' is more sophisticated than 'shit.'
And digest this-
In Good Morning Vietnam, Robin Williams says-
'I haven't ever seen such a big man with absolutely no penis.'
Sophisticated Subtitles say- 'I haven't ever seen such a big man with absolutely no private parts.'

I rest my case.

18 beep/s:

Anonymous said...

Crap is supposed to be parent-friendly version of shit. I personally prefer the word potty. :P
But yeah, the bleeping is just stupid and annoying. I'd actually prefer if they aired the offending movies at a later time when the innocents sleep and we can set our clocks.
What movie was this?
And sometimes, good stuff comes with a modicum of vulgarity, you need to accept it. Books (Streetcar, anyone?), or even movies. It's how life is. Sometimes you just need to say Fuck. Fish, Frak, or Frick just doesn't do. The Censor Board is a set of moralistic buffoons, who pander like hell. Mahesh Bhatt's Kalyug (which was a really good movie, tasteful, hard-hitting)was rated 'A' because it mentioned the porn industry. The same week, Yash Raj's Neil and Nikki released through with a U, even though it was replete with sexual overtones, skimpy clothing, vulgar imagery, and innuendo in every other dialogue. Because Dharma Productions considered itself a "wholesome" brand, they openly justified having coerced the Censor board into giving their movie a U rating, an A would look bad on their records.
Although, Neil and Nikki crashed and burned, and Kalyug was a moderate, critically acclaimed hit. There is fairness sometimes.

Okay, I'm getting off my soapbox now.

Mer-curial-maiden said...

"Crap is more sophisticated *than"

And although I personally try and reserve the eff-word for really trying circumstances, if only to uphold its profanity; I have to agree with you on the Censoring thing.

Same thing happened with The Departed; HBO and DVD versions were worlds apart. And guess which one we decided to watch with Ma? :|

The Orange Cat said...

The Censor Board also finds it worrying that people might actually know such a thing as rape exists. Each time someone says rape, it isn't bleeped out, there's just a blank space in the subtitles where the word should be.
What's so hush-hush about rape?
You're right about one thing: the sight of children dancing to some Hindi film tune is far more sickening. Its breeding a culture of anti-women (note the word) and plain stupidity.

The Orange Cat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Death On Two Legs said...

@Sahana- Yes. I know you miss debating :)

@McM- Thanks for the correction. And that's an interesting reason for not using the eff-word too often.

@Orange Cat- Oh, so rape's a bad word now. Baba.

Prince of Mirkwood said...

How come I have never ranted on this before?? But now I don't have to:)

D'Evil Sam said...

Try watching Trainspotting on TV. Reading the subtitles was more fun than watching Bigby run his mouth :)

Btw, change of url for my blog. Its now:

Death On Two Legs said...

PoM- It IS a very Noor topic, innit?

@Sam- I HAVE to see Trainspotting.

The Orange Cat said...

It's got the most Beatlesque toilet bowl scene ever, Trainspotting has.

Clezevra said...

Absolutely f****** correct!
And did I miss out colorful alternatives like 'fug'.
Ah well, the world's full of 'dammed' possibilities.

Death On Two Legs said...

Dammed possiblities.

Their Minds are dammed, and hence they will be damNed to facing afterlife in the depths of hell.

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