Saturday, August 15, 2009


What if Hamlet and Banquo ever planned a murder together? Yes, Hamlet of 'To be or not to be' fame; and Banquo of the long monologues.

Banquo: Hey, let's kill him.

Hamlet: You think we ought to?

Banquo: I suppose not. But I want to.

Hamlet: So do I.

Banquo: You think we ought to?

Hamlet: No. But it seems we both want to.

Banquo: And we can.

Hamlet: Can we?

Banquo: Can't we?

Hamlet: Of course! Unless...

Banquo: Yes, exactly.

Hamlet: Exactly what?

Banquo: There's always the unless.

Hamlet: Oh that. There's also always the issue of more-less. What we'll do is wrong, but is it more wrong and less right, or more right and less wrong?

Banquo: I thought I was master of rhetoric. Ok, how about this? What we'll do is right, because rightness is in the eye of the beholder, because life is never simple and has shades of grey; and I know all this because my mother gave me a big fat book of idioms when I was a kid, but that doesn't mean I'm a mama's boy because the obvious isn't always true.

At this point, Lady Macbeth interjects: Or how about you're both a couple of PANSAYYS?

Hamlet: That's not true. SOMETIMES, we like to move it move it!

Lady Macbeth: But those are rare moments, aren't they? Ah well. How do I care? As long as my darling Macbeth gets the crown.

Banquo and Hamlet: WHAT?

Lady Macbeth: Don't you know? The witches predicted it.

Banquo and Hamlet: But then what about us?

Lady Macbeth: Obviously, you're in the wrong play. You guys just wasted too much time. Hung around loooong after you were supposed to leave.

Banquo and Hamlet look at each other and gape.

Thus, ends a tragedy.

P.S- This was on a random impulse. I still think Shakespeare is boss.

16 beep/s:

Sherry Wasandi said...


This, right here, is something I've been thinking of attempting for a very long time.

I couldn't possibly have done at as good as you have.


The Orange Cat said...

I'm still laughing as I write this.
How about Rorschach and Holly Golightly?

D'Evil Sam said...

Lady Macbeth's opening line is soopar :)

@the coloured feline above
Rorschach would have probably called Golightly a wh#@e and be done with it :P

Rick said...

Absolute Riot. Really. :)

Death On Two Legs said...


Anonymous said...

This, I like,specially the Pansayys but :D

Aparajita Bhattacharya (Administrator) said...

This is wonderful! Would have been even more so if you could make the language more Shakespearean. =D

Death On Two Legs said...

Yes, a Shakespearan style WOULD have offset the ridiculous content.

But I guess the teen lingo has a certain humour element of it's own.

Either way, I appreciate the comment =]

Trisha said...

but what a great concept of 'you're in the wrong play"! for some reason i cannot get my mind off putting caesar and king lear together for a boss-fight. to be fair, add - oh, i dunno - ariel into the mix, there's material for an epic battle with commentary, right there.

don't mind me, though. just rambling on, pansayy that i am. brilliant post! :D

Prince of Mirkwood said...

HAhaha! The best you've written.

Anonymous said...

Uncle Shakespeare ki bhaasha bhi hoti toh bas mazaa aa jaata :D

B/w really nice one :)

Keep writing!!! Cheers!!! :)

Sphinx said...

nice piece of work.. quite enjoyed reading it :)

Prince of Mirkwood said...

Hey me changed the URL of me blog. Take this

Death On Two Legs said...

Damn. 'And one more compliment', I thought :P

Dipankar Lahiri said...

Now you get one.
Great fun!

JD said...

I don't think I can ever rid myself now of an image of Hamlet, skull and all, dancing to "I like to move it move it" with fake boobs

And ALL Shakespeare characters hang around for toooo long after they're supposed to leave :|